Movie Review: Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

*Warning* May contain spoilers.

So apparently, POTC4 has been receiving a lot of hate and I’m not sure why. I suppose a lot of people were expecting this movie to wash out the bad taste that the last two movies left. Look, this movie isn’t going to redeem the franchise. I think they tried to make it the best they could. Could it be better? Sure, but that can be said about anything.   

The story is a little disjointed, but it isn’t the bloated mess that was the last two movies. Things begin when Spanish fishermen discover a man (alive!) in their nets and he’s holding onto a map that leads to the fountain of youth. The Spaniards set out, thus kicking off the Fountain race. Unfortunately, it’s never disclosed on how that guy in the net managed to survive underwater for who knows how long, or where he came upon the map.

Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) is back, and no surprise, he’s caught in a bad place. He escapes the clutches of the British Monarch only to run into an imposter in a tavern. The imposter turns out to be a long lost love of his Angelica (Penélope Cruz). She has a ship. He doesn’t. So he joins up with her and her father, the voodoo pirate Blackbeard (Ian McShane) as they too search for the fountain of youth.

I’m going to butt heads with some of the criticism, such as the one saying this movie is preachy! Okay, just because there’s a cute clergyman (Sam Claflin) doesn’t mean this movie is trying to push Christian morals down your throat. Every time clergy boy got on his high horse, he was always knocked off by Blackbeard or Sparrow.

Everyone is weird! Jack doesn’t stand out! Well, everyone is a pirate, yes. Are they all weirdos? Eh, I’d say each has unique qualities, but Jack doesn’t get buried. You have Blackbeard who’s a badass mofo on one end, and then you have clergy boy and Angelica (to a lesser degree) on the other end. Jack treads in the middle, being selfish, but also showing a selfless side.

Also, there’s another theme to consider, in that all the characters are essentially true to themselves, despite trying to turn a new leaf or two. Blackbeard says “I’m a bad man,” and guess what? He is! He tries to care for Angelica as the one good thing in his life and – he can’t, he just can’t. Angelica lies in the beginning and, well, lies in the end. Remember Jack showing he could be selfless? Well – it doesn’t last. He may care for Angelica but he ain’t stupid. And Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) is, and always will be, a pirate, no matter what hat he wears.

It’s too dark! Now this I agree with. There are some scenes, like the one beach scene before the vampiric mermaids’ attack, where all you can see are silhouettes. And mind you, I saw this in 2D. Apparently, no one took into account that people will be seeing this film in DARK movie theater. D’oh!

You know how movies have that extra little teaser scene after the credits? My advice: Skip it. I usually really enjoy these teaser scenes, like the one from THOR, but this one was wimpy and too short. You can easily wiki it to find out what it is.

So the bottom line is: If you love these characters and want to see more of Jack Sparrow and his zany adventures, then you’ll enjoy this film (I think). If you want something new, refreshing, with a twist of lemon, then go find something else. I mean, c’mon, it’s a franchise, what do you expect?

I give Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides 3 out of 5 seafaring stars.         

Movie Review: Thor

So to kick off the summer movies we’ve got the thunder god himself. Now, I have never read the Thor comic books, so I can’t compare, but this was an enjoyable actiony flick.

The story starts with Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) hunting cosmic disturbances. A wormhole appears and amidst the chaos, they hit a guy. But just not any guy – it’s Thor! (Played by Chris Hemsworth)

The movie then backtracks to Thor’s day, where he’ll be announced heir to the throne of Asgard. But the party is crashed by ice giants. In his anger, Thor and his friends head over to the realm of ice giants to demand an explanation – and they end up almost getting killed. Odin (Anthony Hopkins) saves their asses and strips Thor of his power for his foolishness, and then sends him packing to Earth. And thus, we are brought back to the beginning – but not the end.

As an action flick, I say this satisfies, what with Thor tearing through stuff like it’s made of tissue paper. Although, there are a few points where characters literally pop out of nowhere. I know they’re gods and they can fly, but who knew they could instantly teleport, too? But that’s a minor itch.

A big itch is the forced romance between Jane and Thor, as well as Thor’s transformation from arrogant war monger to self-sacrificing hero. Sorry, but I just didn’t buy it. There wasn’t enough screen time between the two lovers, although there is certainly the start of something, but so far, all I felt was that they’re good friends. Also, he’s only been on Earth for a few days, would his personality dramatically change just like that? Of course, I suppose you could excuse it and say it was the power of love, but we all know that’s utter bullcrap.

Natalie Portman’s acting didn’t do much for this film either. Granted, her role isn’t as big as Hemsworth’s, yet, she really didn’t seem natural in this. I’m becoming convinced that Portman’s twittery acting style is better suited for more serious, drama films such as Black Swan, where her character faces a lot of tension. In Thor, she seemed to struggle with acting like a nice, intelligent scientist.   

Another itch: Thor’s friends. Aside from being completely cornballish, they didn’t add anything other than a bit of info dump and weak comic relief. I get it, everyone has friends, even the mighty Thor, but couldn’t we leave them out? They’re just embarrassing.

On the plus side, Loki (Tom Hiddleston) was awesome as far as villains go. Although I hear he isn’t true to his comic book character, I much prefer a villain with some conflict, which Loki certainly delivers. He is the god of mischief, after all.

I also enjoyed the blend science and fantasy, which made things somewhat plausible. Asgard is one of the nine realms, and transportation is possible between these realms via wormholes. Oh, and they even had robots! I love how the robot featured in this film was a throwback to Gort from The Day the EarthStood Still (both are huge androids and shoot lasers from their head).     

(left) Gort, (right) badass robot from Thor

Rating: 3.5 out of five thunderous stars.

Movie Review: Heavy Metal 2000

A few years ago, after getting back from Taco Bell, nachos in my hands, a former boyfriend decided to expose me to Heavy Metal the movie. I was stunned after watching it – not in a bad way, but just how different a movie it was (oh yeah, and all those inflated boobs). The gist of it is a collection of fantasy and science fiction short stories tied together by the mysterious Loc-Nar.

Reminiscing, I figured I’d check out the “sequel” Heavy Metal 2000, released in 2000. People gave it a bad rap, but honestly, it’s not as bad as I thought. It’s definitely a homage piece to the original Heavy Metal, taking some of the best parts and stringing them together in a coherent plot (which the original lacked). The story starts when a miner named Tyler (who faintly resembles Sternn) stumbles upon the ‘the key’, which is essentially the Loc-Nar incarnate. The key will open the fountain of youth on another world – the drawback – whoever holds the key will become insane. And in his insanity, Tyler manages to take over the mining crew ship and steer it towards his goal. But on the way, he pillages a village and kidnaps a girl. Problem: the girl has a sister, Julie, and Julie is pissed.     

Julie is the black-haired version of Taarna – except she talks, and boy does she have a personality. Julie is just another bitchy kick-ass gal, because God forbid there should be a nice heroine that can also kick-ass. Whereas Taarna’s silent treatment worked to her advantage, and I never disliked her or what came out of her mouth.

(left) Julie from 2000, (right) Taarna from original Heavy Meatal

 The animation itself is also a drawback, as it looks like a Saturday morning cartoon on Fox. The original had a very mature appearance about it and didn’t resemble anything that kids watched back then. Also, the original was beautifully bright, whereas 2000, all colors are subdued (I actually had to brighten Julie’s pic because it was SO dark).

There is violence, lots of it. Guy gets a bullet through his head, brain splatter, guts hanging out. The sex, however, is pretty tame, mostly breast fondling, which causes it to feel like a kiddie movie that has been upgraded to adult status, rather than a movie made for adults.

The CGI blended in worked for the most part, although there were a few spots where it stuck out like a sore thumb. I did enjoy the scenes with spaceships coasting through metaspace, very lovely.

The music, a trademark of Heavy Metal, was rather bland and didn’t put oomph into the scenes. But then again, I prefer music from the 70’s, 80’s, so nothing in this movie connected to me like how it did in the original.

I suppose in the end, nothing can compare to the original, it was groundbreaking at the time of its release in 1981. However, 2000 movie isn’t horrible. The plot is decent (despite the inconsistencies), and the action pretty cool. Although I recommend seeing the original first before this.

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars.    

Review: Old Man's War, by John Scalzi

Voted #1 on Tor's Best SFF Novels of the Decade poll. I had heard of it before, but when I was looking for books to catch me up with what's been going on in science fiction (I've been reading a lot of nonfiction) this became my shopping list.

It was a lighter and faster read than I expected. Quickly digestible. It doesn't skimp on the violent details, but I wouldn't call it gruesome. I also wouldn't call it hard SF, but it's not excessively soft either. Good balance, in other words.

From a writerly perspective, war from the standpoint of one grunt on the ground is difficult. It has to be a character-driven story, since as far as action goes the goals are simple and well defined and consistent across all war stories: survive and/or win. Here, the war is really just a distraction from the goal that even our first-person narrator isn't entirely aware he has until the third act. Nicely done.

I've read a little military SF, and I'm glad that this did not fall into the trope of the hero being the best soldier ever, suffering through the inadequacies of his comrades. It's also not married to imitating Napoleonic naval warfare, World War II  or any other era. The world building is substantial (since there are many and varied worlds) and impressive for a relatively short book.

I'm interested to see what he does with this universe in the rest of the series, and I hope to be reviewing them here too.

4 out of 5 weeblies

Review: The Pound, issue #1

 

The Pound, issue #1. Written by Stephan Nilson, art by Karl Waller. Published by Frozen Beach Studios. Created by Stephan Nilson and Charles Pritchett. FREE DOWNLOAD! :D

Animal control's dangerous enough when you're dealing with plain old dogs. Two laid-off dog catchers go into business for themselves. Just as the full moon is getting close.

The story starts with action right off the bat, and then we meet our heroes. Followed by some more action and end with a question. A good, solid structure for a first issue.

For a comic and a horror comic at that, a lot of work is put into developing Scott. That's worth mentioning. That work includes a strange moment, though. I can understand being offended by unrequested charity. Going out and starting a business because of unrequested charity threw me for a while... I guess I see the connection now, but he sounded pretty sure they were financially stable.

Unfortunately, there are a few places where the sequence of events is unclear and one place where the dialogue seems to be out of order. On the whole, the art's good and there are nice compositional details.

It's a start, though, and I do tend to be forgiving when it comes to first issues. I'd definitely look at #2 when it comes out.

Two and a half weeblies out of five.

Write the Fight Right, by Alan Baxter

Write the Fight Right, by Alan Baxter
Published April 4, 2011
Ebook available on Smashwords and Amazon

From the Smashwords page: "Author and martial arts instructor, Alan Baxter, presents a short, ~12,000 word, ebook describing all the things a writer needs to consider when writing fight scenes. Baxter's experience from decades as a career martial artist make this book a valuable resource for writers who want to understand what fighting is all about - what it really feels like and what does and doesn't work - and how to factor those things into their writing to make their fight scenes visceral, realistic page turners."

Baxter has a number of good pointers and practical tidbits about fighting. "Something unexpected will happen almost immediately" and "Describe the reaction to the hit instead of describing the hit" particularly got my brain moving. I've done a fair amount on research into hand-to-hand combat over the years (he notes, and I'm sure he's right, that taking classes would be better than reading) so I had heard some of the thing he says before. Even so, I found this a good and useful set of pointers. 

I wish he had explained more about what "disrupting the opponent's centerline" means and entails. Disrupt how? By hitting? Knocking off balance? Both?

He includes a Cheat Sheet Checklist at the end with the major points -- I'll be using that for quick reference.

For only two dollars, a tasty twelve thousand words of insider information. I don't know what rating system we're using this week, so I'll give this two thumbs up!

ETA: We are using a five weeble system, so I give this 3.5 weebles! Now, as they say "weebles wobble but they don't fall down" but I'm thinking that half a weeble would indeed fall down... that's another post, though.

Review - TRUTHSEEKER by C.E. Murphy

Release date: August 31, 2010 (Del Rey)
Trade paperback: 336 pgs

ACROSS TWO EXTRAORDINARY WORLDS, TRUTH IS THE DEADLIEST MAGIC

Gifted with an uncanny intuition, Lara Jansen nonetheless thinks there is nothing particularly special about her. All that changes when a handsome but mysterious man enters her quiet Boston tailor shop and reveals himself to be a prince of Faerie. What’s more, Dafydd ap Caerwyn claims that Lara is a truthseeker, a person with the rare talent of being able to tell truth from falsehood. Dafydd begs Lara to help solve his brother’s murder, of which Dafydd himself is the only suspect.

Acting against her practical nature, Lara agrees to step through a window into another world. Caught between bitterly opposed Seelie forces and Dafydd’s secrets, which are as perilous as he is irresistible, Lara finds that her abilities are increasing in unexpected and uncontrollable ways. With the fate of two worlds at stake and a malevolent entity wielding the darkest of magic, Lara and Dafydd will risk everything on a love that may be their salvation—or the most treacherous illusion of all. 


Stalk the author: Website / Facebook / Twitter
Find the book(s): Truthseeker / Wayfinder (TBR)


REVIEWER'S THOUGHTS:


I had been looking forward to reading Truthseeker for a while - a faerie tale from one of the first writers to drag urban fantasy into the mainstream? Hell yes, please.

Down-to-earth Lara Jensen reminded me a lot of "Bones" heroine Temperance Brennan: she's straightforward, honest, and literal to an often humorous extreme. It's not entirely her fault, though; Lara is a Truthseeker, gifted with the rarest of magic. Her power allows her to feel truth and deceit along a spectrum of perceptions, often through sound. To Lara, when something "rings false" it really rings. 

Lara knows there is something off about Dafydd ap Caerwyn the moment he introduces himself as David Kirwen, and Murphy does not draw things out unnecessarily (a huge plus) before showing us what it is. Dafydd is a prince of the Seelie Court, and he has been looking for Lara for a long, long time. A hundred years to be exact, though only days have passed in the Barrow-lands he calls home, where he stands accused of his brother's murder.

The opening pages moved a little slow for me. The exaggerated nonverbal communication and revelation of backstory through dialogue along the lines of "As you know, xxx..." was a bit much for me, although it accomplished its goal of painting distinct characters and shaping personalities that remained delightfully consistent throughout the book. Patience with my own impatience was generously rewarded within the first fifty pages, and after that I couldn't put the book down.

Murphy is adept at exotic worldbuilding and I expect that from her, which might help explain why I was somewhat bored in the mundane streets of Boston. From the moment Lara entered the Barrow-lands, I knew I was screwed: there was no way I was putting this book down, and I would probably be late for work in the morning (I was). Murphy's Barrow-lands are breathtaking and shadowed by malevolence, the mythos woven by a pro.

Rating:   (4/5 weeblies)  
Recommend?  Yes.
Etc:  Look for the sequel and closing chapter, Wayfinder, due September 6, 2011.

Review - Hunter's Run by George R.R. Martin, Gardner Dozois, and Daniel Abraham

There are a number of interesting things going on in this story. I'll try to explain without causing any spoilers.

1. Our hero is a jerk.
2. Interesting, sympathetic aliens who are neither cute nor cuddly.
3. Human civilization in the background is Hispanic/South American, not your standard issue white bread.
4. Interesting identity bending.

Suffice it to say that #2-4 managed to keep me reading in spite of #1.

From a writer's point of view, this story is all about carefully choosing what to explain to the reader, and when to explain it, and how to do it without bogging down the hunting aspect of the plot that's keeping the whole thing moving. At the same time, the hero is coming to grips with things that he never expected to. Can't say much more without spoiling it for you, though.

The ending was a little... soft, in my opinion, but I'm not complaining too much. Still recommending it.

Retro tie-in: The hunting aspect made me fondly remember two anthologies I read many years ago. They probably qualify as "vintage" SF if not "classic" by now... Men Hunting Things and Things Hunting Men. Pulpy, fun, old-school SF.

Book review: Song of Scarabaeus

In anticipation for Sara Creasy's sequel, which comes out March. 29, I thought I'd post this review of her awesome debut novel Song of Scarabaeus.

The gist: Edie is a biocyph, a combination of biology and cybernetics that's necessary to germinate new worlds. While on the job, she's kidnapped by space-pirates and forced to work for them. Their goal: to free the Fringe colonists from the repressive Crib government that holds a monopoly over everyone's heads. And it's not just her life on the line. The pirates link her up to a former slave, now her bodyguard, and if she tries to run, her bodyguard will die.

Pros: Now I like Edie, except for her stupid moments at the end when she tries to save everybody - sorry, but you're not superwoman. She's neither a kick-ass female nor a weak vulnerable girl; she has her strengths and weaknesses and has some really cool abilities, like being able to manipulate DNA on a cybernetic level. She is slightly passive, but considering her circumstances it's not like she could do much. She did attempt to break free and to me that says something even if she wasn't successful. I also like the allusions to music in the tech scripts, how the scripts sang their songs. That was cool.

I love the science in the book it gets into a technical level, but if you've taken a biology course it shouldn't be too hard to get. It's what makes science fiction science fiction after all. The romance is brief, but for me, I was glad it didn't derail the main plot. I honestly hate it when the romance between characters overwhelms the main point of the book.

Negs: I had my eyes rolling when some of the crew, who were originally sticking guns into Edie's side, suddenly try to be her best pals. I felt like Edie forgave them too easily just because they put a smile on. There's also a false choice at the start, where they say she can go with them or stay working for the Crib, which made no sense. Why go through the trouble of kidnapping her only to give her a choice? Plus, it was clear they were never going to let her go. Kill her, sure. But not set her free.

I also didn't care for Edie's dreams, partly because they're in present tense, and partly because they read like a prologue, except they're spread throughout the book rather than dumping it in front. I guess it's a clever way to get people to read prologues. I know the dreams are suppose to add context to Edie, but I always feel how the main character behaves in their current situation will reveal more about them than giving us a history lesson on the character. Plus, who has dreams of their past? These aren't exactly flashbacks.

Then there's Haller. I hated him so much. But not because he's the antagonist, but because he's so stupid and 2-dimensional. I honestly cannot picture a whole crew following his short-sighted plans. He constantly lets his anger get the better of him, which makes him a bad leader with very little respect. If there was some redeeming quality, I could see why they may follow him, like perhaps he's a jerk but he has brilliant strategies. Instead, he was just a doofus who demanded that everyone else to fix his problems. Luckily, he won't be coming back for the sequel.

Overall, I give this book 4 out of 5 stars. It has its flaws, but still enjoyable to read if you're looking for a space adventure with a touch of romance.

This review was originally posted on Amazon under my account.

Review - Eon, by Greg Bear

Nothing ages faster than the future.

Eon, by Greg Bear, was published in 1985. It was set in 2005. And even though the fall of the Berlin Wall was less than five years away when this was published, there was no doubt in the author's mind that the Cold War would continue into the new millennium. That was the first thing that made me pensive.

The other thing that struck me was how easy it was to fall back into the Cold War mentality (like riding a bike?). Which is why I don't blame Mr. Bear for the first point -- I remember how sudden, how stunning, it was to watch the Soviet bloc unravel.

Anybody here too young to remember that? Thoughts on reading Cold War-era science fiction?

Getting back to the book: despite the dated Cold War assumptions, the book holds up. The names and governments may have changed, but if a mysterious, self-propelled asteroid appeared in near Earth orbit I expect things would still play out along similar lines today. As a hard science fiction fan I was especially interested in the invasion of an O'Neill habitat from its zero-gee axis. Once the story moved into more advanced levels of sci-fi, the "hardness" becomes less relevant but where it was still obvious, the laws of physics held firm.

From a more structural point of view, this is a book with many subplots. Most of them overshadow, in fact, the one plot that runs through the entire novel -- Patricia wants to go home. The throughline persists just visibly enough that when it asserts itself toward the end, you see that it was the goal all along. An interesting lesson in structure.

One last point: at first blush, this novel made me think of Rendezvous with Rama, by Arthur C. Clarke. All they have in common is the O'Neill habitat, though. If you're interested in hard science fiction, you should read both.

Review - Battle: Los Angeles

A veteran unit of marines goes into battle against an unknown foe, led by a grizzled sergeant and a freshly-minted rookie lieutenant. From the petrified private, to the shell-shocked corporal, to the tough-as-nails air force sergeant, the characters find themselves in heavy combat, fighting for their lives. As the casualties mount, the reluctant Sgt. Nantz steps up to lead the squad from harm's way, protect a handful of civilians, and find a way to defeat the enemy -- all while facing the inner demons of his own past.

Oh. And there are aliens.